7 days to go…and i’m scared.

i think i’m scared that he won’t win.
or maybe, i’m scared that he will win, but he–and by extension, his race, rather than his political party–will then be ripped to shreds for every decision he makes as president.
i’m afraid for his family.
i’m angry about the fact that no matter who wins, everyone can’t anyway…because not everyone has the interests of the entire country as a whole at heart…because we’re all not the same, despite having the same basic needs, and entitlement to the same basic rights.
i’m bothered by the fact that no matter who wins, some of the most basic of my  rights will still not be determined by my actions towards others. they will instead, continue to be decided in courts by strangers who are allowed to tiptoe around applicable commandments at any given time, while standing on the foundation of a verse that says i’m an abomination, as they continue to ignore the verses that explain why (if interpreted with the same fervor) they’re in just as much trouble as i’m in, if only because of their own love lives, the foods that they consume, or their judgment of me as they’re gulping it all down.
i’m scared about the lengths to which the angriest of us will go in order to create fear and division…all in the name of their religion…when it’s clear that they lost sight of theirs the second they began their tirade.
but i’m proud too…
i’m proud of the fact that those of us who seem to be judged the most harshly in these instances appear to show the most grace. i still shake my head in wonder at the fact that some still use the label ‘the angry left’ for one political party…while the blatant extremists from theirs are the ones you’ll find yelling and screaming hateful things at rallies about a man who is simply exercising the rights that he and those before him have earned…when we all know those rights should’ve been extended to them in the first place, and then not questioned after the fact.  how dare he and his wife work hard for a decent life for their family…and then have the audacity to reach further politically than anyone else of their race ever has…who gave them the right?  the point is: they have that right along with plenty of other upstanding (and not so upstanding–term used loosely to reflect various past and present members of congress) citizens.
i’m proud of all the people who are voting for ideals and beliefs, rather than a skin color…but even those who are voting for a color get their props for voting at all…i’m proud of them for caring enough.
i’m proud to be a witness to these extraordinary times, regardless of the outcome of this particular presidential election.
and i’m proud that someone somewhere, who’s nothing at all like me, can read this and (whether they agree or disagree) can respect me…as well as any other decent, self-respecting person who gives a damn about anyone outside their own family, their race, or their religion without judging them because of their differences. if more people could have that same respect for others, i wouldn’t be nearly as scared as i am today…and i’d have more to be proud of.
compassion for others…seriously, it’s easier than you think…and cheaper than food or gas, no matter who’s president.

a story

a story you say? you want me to tell you a story. let’s see…there are lots floating around in my head…i guess i could tell you about the silly girl who loved a lot: she loved people and she loved life and she shined brightest when she was around the people she loved the most. she spent all her time laughing and being laughed at, and she was good with it all. as she got older, she experienced a couple of relationships that dimmed her a little…but she was able to get past them completely when she met the person who made her shine brightest of all. this person represented every happy dream the silly girl had ever had…every silly wish she had ever made…this person got every stupid joke the silly girl ever told, and validated every silly feeling the silly girl ever felt…yet, actually showed interest in more than just the silly girl’s ’silly’. and as time went by, the silly girl began to feel…more than silly. she felt…alive…mature…even beautiful…respected…and necessary. the now, ‘more-than-silly’ girl began to thrive, and blossom into the woman she was meant to be. she pledged her undying love and devotion to the one who saw every facet of her clearly and nourished all of her more than any other had before. they grew together, challenging and motivating each other, becoming closer and loving harder as time passed.  from what i understand, the two of them are on their way to becoming well-known authors/photojournalists, traveling the world and writing about their experiences…happy and silly…silly with happiness.
the end.

…a pretty good weekend.

rundown of my weekend (i’d call it a success)…

friday: rented movies after work…watched 3 of them before going to sleep (see below)…pathetic?! i think not!! some people actually LIKE doing that sort of thing.

saturday: great, early breakfast with one of the funniest people i know, at the coolest bakery in town…then grocery shopping at trader joe’s, followed by the best nap ever in the history of the world. woke up to get dressed in layers & layers of clothing for a bonfire-my first ever-at a friend’s house. soo much fun! ended up coming out of at least 2 of the 7 layers i was wearing–who would’ve ever guessed that a bonfire would actually be warm?! roasted hot dogs (not for myself), marshmallows, plates & forks, napkins…and any other paper goods i could find. i ate half a cake, and laughed lots & lots.
my 2 favorite lines from the night:
1) “you’re goin’ to hell on scholarship!!” (shot straight from the mouth of one…cool…chick)
2) (spoken by an adorable sliver of a person, no taller than 5′2″) “in my mind, i’m bigger than all you bitches!!”
really big fun.

sunday: slept very late…had a slice of leftover cake for breakfast. (who knew you could have the best cake you’ve ever tasted at a bonfire!? …then rushed to the theater to see a movie that had me weeping like a baby for about an hour.
a good friend and i saw ‘the secret life of bees.’ separate blog about this movie to follow.
after the film, we dried our eyes while laughing at ourselves & headed directly to our scheduled softball game with a few of the most fun & spirited special olympics athletes around. you can’t end your day any better than with those smiles and awesome attitudes.
yeah, if for no other reason than laughing with those kids while playing in the sun, my weekend was a success.

friday nite movie-fest:
movie 1: ‘all about us’ – indie, starring boris kodjoe…sweet movie about a couple attempting to make their dreams come true…while dealing with the realities & challenges of life itself.
movie 2: ‘finn’s girl’ – another indie about a single mother attempting to raise a very unruly 11-year-old daughter, who can’t seem to get past losing her other mother to cancer. abortion plays a primary role in this unconventional love story…worth watching again one day.
movie 3: ‘forgetting sarah marshall’ – actually made me chuckle more times than i expected. story about a man (jason segel) who’s world crumbled like dry cake in heavy hands when his girlfriend (kristen bell) leaves him for someone else. he goes on vacation to a place she’d mentioned while they were together…and guess who’s there…? he really is the funniest pathetic naked guy you’ll probably ever see in a movie. worth a watch…if you can handle all the full frontals…

my sunshine

after the storm, she bounces around in the sunlight
relaxing, expanding, warm with feeling
cool with everything
good in the world
no fears, not alone…warm
she dances throughout the rays
sniffing the flowers
singing loudly, her own tune
of sunshine-worship
and farewell to loneliness
and heavy
and rumbles from others
are now the bass to her song
as she sings
basking, lighter, louder
happy, warm…
gliding flying
with a goofy smile on her face
she takes off 
with sunshine on her back.

back here…but still there

so, i’ve been back from vacation for awhile now, but still can’t get it off my mind. i’ve made a list of everything that made my time away wonderful…it’s sort of a blueprint for what all the rest of my vacations should consist of from now on…let’s see…there was:

frisbee/football in the park
an amazing play in an awesome theater
puppies
pizza
carrot cake
fried rice
wine
music
guitar hero
staying up late
getting up later
sunshine/awesome weather
doughnuts
manicures
good people
silly grabbing
barking
baked beans
the mall
godiva hot cocoa
henri bendel candles
grilled veggie burgers
dallas cowboys
stir-fried tofu
heroes
plasma tvs
broken dvds
toilet repair
morgan freeman
steve carrell
fun pics
love
laughter
kisses
midnight naps on the couch
squeezes
cuddles
snuggles
closeness
…except next time, i don’t want any goodbyes…
thanks for making everything a positive experience…